结婚是不是必须买房？

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今天发布一则往期主题

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当时目的是用逻辑和常识来对年轻人劝退

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买房的文章

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首发于2020年末

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彼时几乎正好是全国房价的巅峰期

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今天我们会结合一些最近的社会热点

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例如立功理论

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以及愈演愈烈的性别矛盾等

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对往期这则主题进行一些修改并重发

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我们先从房子的资产属性说起

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这些年有关房子

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我们听过最多的说法是

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房子是用来住的

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不是用来炒的

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可现在大多数人对房子的看法

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首先它是一个资产

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而且是一个在过去20年

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几乎只涨不跌的优质资产

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然后才会考虑他可以住

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就连开发商在打广告的时候

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也直言不讳地用上叉叉稀缺资产

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这种描述

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国人对房产的理解中

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资产属性早已远超居住属性

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如果不认同这个说法

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你也可以了解一下刚需买房时考虑的重要因素

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看看大多数人是不是会把增值潜力

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摆在非常重要的位置

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直到这几年

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房价遭遇重置式的大跌

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这个资产观念才刚刚开始出现一点点改变

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这几年我见到非常多这样的案例

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一个刚需要买房

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但预算有限

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只能买到偏远的城郊结合部

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于是就上车买到城郊结合部

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买房后继续在工作地点附近租房住

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买到手的房子就空着

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看到没有

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这类买房不是为了住

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而是为了拥有房产

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所以市场不存在刚需和投资投机的区别

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刚需即是投资

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投资即是刚需

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投资者买房源于对房价上涨的期待

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刚需买房源于对房价上涨的恐惧

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两者都基于同样的一个预期

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所以本质上没有任何区别

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现如今

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买房和结婚之间的联系

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已经被打造成了密不可分的状态

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不管现在年轻人或家长的思想有多开明

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买房就是结婚绕不开的一个坎

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大多数情况下还是最大的一道坎

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又因为房价高

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热点城市一套好一点的房子

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轻轻松松几百上千万

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一对新人结婚和买房

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完全不亚于两个公司进行资产兼并重组

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结婚对年轻人来说当然是越来越不轻松

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婚姻和买房的关系被各种因素强化

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比如居住

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落户工作学区安全感等等

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但在我看来

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这些都是借口

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一个月有1万出头的租金

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你就可以在热点城市

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租到一个价值1000万的豪宅

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而在现在这个抢人时代

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落户简单

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买房难

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找工作也不会看你是否有房作为主要考核标准

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至于学区

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很多人连生娃的打算都没有

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市场化的优质教育资源也在快速发展

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再说安全感

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那是人们基于房价一定永远上涨才说的话

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不信可以去问问

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2017年高位接盘的环北京和天津的购房者

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了解一下他们买房之后

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价格连续两次腰斩后带来的是怎样的安全感

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既然上面这些因素都是借口

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那么买房和结婚的本质联系是什么

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说简单点就两个因素

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一房产可以有效地对彼此和背后家庭的

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经济实力进行考察

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二房产可以针对未来可能的离婚增加阻力

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这两点过去很少有人主动去提

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因为这两个因素显得不那么冠冕堂皇

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甚至有些见不得人

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但事实就是这样

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我们仔细想想会发现

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买房就是一张遮羞布

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实质是双方必须有经济基础才能结婚

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因为过去房价够高

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增值前景够好

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房产承载了一个新生家庭的起步财富

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如果一个高富帅

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白富美名下没房

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但有上亿存款和股票

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他找对象一样是没压力的

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这让我想到最近流行网络的立功理论

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本质上道出了中低收入者

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或者说认知不在线者的艰难

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他们只有梭哈自己的身家才能拥有婚姻

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而且还并不稳固

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而这个社会的残酷之处在于

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越是有钱有势的人

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那么他获取异性资源的成本就越低

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甚至别人会愿意为他倒贴

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但对财富

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对认知

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对地位以及对美好生活的追求乃人之本性

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不分男女

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谁见了优秀的个体都会萌生好感

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这一点毛病都没有

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不应该指责

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但应当大大方方承认

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回到视频前面提到的买房的第二点功能

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仅买房对婚姻的另一个作用

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就是大幅增加双方未来可能破裂的阻力

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这种方式有那么一点自虐

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比如说一套房两方都交了首付

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月供也是一同承担

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那么一旦离异

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这个资产分割会带来相当大的争议和麻烦

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很多人想到这一步会觉得算了

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与其面临可能的经济损失

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不如搭帮凑合过下去得了

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横向对比

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把结婚和买房牢牢绑定在一起

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这种情况除了中国以外世所罕见

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对于婚姻的参与双方来说

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在房产和婚姻的强联系之下

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其实没有任何一方是赢家

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但似乎对社会有益

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因为它结合房价高

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买房难的现实

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让绝大多数人走上了一条非常固定的人生轨道

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让人一直有目标

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一直在忙碌

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攒首付

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买房供房生娃养娃

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准备为娃买房

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总结起来就是稳定和奋斗

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这个模式对于激发社会短期的发展动力

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特别对劳动力的榨取是最好的

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但对于追求美好生活的个体来说

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却几乎可以肯定不是最优路线

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回到标题这个问题

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结婚是不是必须买房

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答案是在现有社会环境和思维定势之下

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如果你实力足够

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你就有足够的选择权

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买不买随意

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但如果你财富和地位还没有高到

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可以克服上文提到两个因素的程度

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那很无奈

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基本上是非买不可

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无论你愿不愿意

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总会有一股力量会逼着你去买房

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如果你能克服这股力量

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你将成为人生赢家

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如果不能

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未来可能将举步维艰

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房价现状也带来一个问题

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那就是全社会生育率越来越低

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因为如果一个人不结婚

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不买房

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不生娃

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那生活成本真的可以很低很低

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游戏难度完全就变了

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现在的后浪大都思想前卫

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我行我素

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他们之中有多少人愿意主动增加难度呢

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可以预见

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若不能有效缓解这些压力

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单身社会的规模会越来越大

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刺激生育也会越来越难

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最近互联网上盛行的立功理论

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可能是近几年来互联网上出现过的

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最对社会影响最大

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最直白也最具有觉醒意义的一条

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大体意思就是说

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当下年轻人婚恋买房以及彩礼问题

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根源在于传统父权观念

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这个父权观念下

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每个男性不惜一切代价

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以成家生子为成功的标准

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也强迫女性成为男性的忠实附属

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但这套观念已濒临破裂

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因为现在很多女性已经思想觉醒

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拒绝这套观念

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可无数中低阶层普通男性仍然执迷不悟

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默认攒够了彩礼

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买到了房子

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就可以拥有长期的爱情和稳定的家庭

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最终自己逼自己梭哈

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换来巨大风险和未知

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客观来说

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在这套传统观念里

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无论男性还是女性

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双方都是受害者

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因此受害者之间不应该对立起来

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反而应该相互鼓励包容并且寻求进步

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具体来说

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无论你是男性还是女性

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每个人都应该把钱和时间用在自己身上

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让自己更好

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从而让身边的人和事都更好

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而不是把自己的一切都寄托

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甚至梭哈在一个虚无缥缈的信念之上

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因为他一点都不靠谱

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横向对比

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日韩的社会发展阶段

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大约比中国大陆领先20年

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所以日服韩服今天的玩法

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大概率就是国服未来的玩法

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20年前日本和韩国的年轻人面临的问题

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和我们今天差不多

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但到现在可以去日本和韩国看看

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感受一下他们年轻人是什么状态

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他们无论是男是女

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都投入在自己身上

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00:06:55,259 --> 00:06:56,220
他们重视运动

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00:06:56,220 --> 00:06:57,100
极少有胖子

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衣服虽然不都很贵

228
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:00,029
但普遍好看得体

229
00:07:00,029 --> 00:07:02,029
男性化妆品销量不亚于女性

230
00:07:02,029 --> 00:07:04,189
婚恋市场上也没有什么捞男捞女

231
00:07:04,189 --> 00:07:06,720
大部分情侣之间吃饭也都是AA制

232
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:07,360
说到底

233
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,399
父权观念对男性和女性均

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00:07:09,399 --> 00:07:11,139
框定了不公平的角色任务

235
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,519
男的就要养家糊口

236
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:13,959
女的就要貌美如花

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00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:16,459
这套逻辑伴随经济发展不断极化

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直到价值崩坏

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00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:18,529
矛盾爆发

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想过没有

241
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:20,970
这样的分工本身是不合理的

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00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:22,689
女性就不想和帅哥在一起吗

243
00:07:22,689 --> 00:07:24,470
男性就不希望老婆有钱吗

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00:07:24,470 --> 00:07:26,069
这个分工让很多男性认为

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多赚一些钱就能够压过一切

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事实是

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如果你本事够大

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大到超过一个小目标

249
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,480
那基本上确实可以压过一切

250
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,060
但对大多数普通人而言

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再努力也到不了这个程度

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却因为对这种分工的执念

253
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,680
忘记了一些本应做好的事

254
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,839
我生活中接触到的很多男性群体

255
00:07:42,839 --> 00:07:44,079
工作都十分勤劳

256
00:07:44,079 --> 00:07:45,620
为人也热情善良

257
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:47,560
但抽烟的比例至少1/3

258
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,339
口臭的比例大约有一半

259
00:07:49,339 --> 00:07:52,329
很多人在非夏季要几天才洗一次头

260
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那你站在女性角度去想

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你是否愿意与他们亲近

262
00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:58,529
所以他们只能去用更多的彩礼来补了

263
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在我看来

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立功不是指体力劳动者

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不是指中低收入者

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00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:03,529
而是一种落后思维

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00:08:03,529 --> 00:08:05,689
这就是为什么有些人明明很有钱

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00:08:05,689 --> 00:08:07,649
但言语和行为都非常屌丝

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00:08:07,649 --> 00:08:09,029
回到今天的主题

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00:08:09,029 --> 00:08:10,829
结婚是不是必须买房

271
00:08:10,829 --> 00:08:11,589
我的建议

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特别是给尚未开窍的立功兄弟们的建议是

273
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与其攒钱准备买房彩礼

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00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:16,980
甚至为了攒钱

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00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:19,639
把自己的生活状态和形象都搞得一塌糊涂

276
00:08:19,639 --> 00:08:21,439
不如给自己买几件好看的衣服

277
00:08:21,439 --> 00:08:22,579
不如去用心运动

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00:08:22,579 --> 00:08:23,800
去优化饮食结构

279
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:24,920
或者做几次护肤

280
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:25,980
整一整牙齿

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00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:27,779
这些成本和彩礼婚房相比

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那都不叫钱

283
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:29,980
做好了这些事

284
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首先你100%提升了自己

285
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,029
其次你可能还给未来节省了大钱

286
00:08:35,309 --> 00:08:36,870
如果你喜欢本期视频

287
00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:38,269
希望可以点赞关注

288
00:08:38,269 --> 00:08:39,009
支持一波

289
00:08:39,009 --> 00:08:41,320
这将对我有很大的帮助

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